Is WWE’S Money In The Bank (MITB) pay-per-view this year going to live up to its name and be, urm, a fixed deposit for the company? From the matches set so far and all that jazz about the dominance of the “New Era”, the Dwaynester can’t help thinking that its impact has been a little, well, S-A-W-F-T.
Face it, from this latest batch of, uh, New Erans, so far we’ve heard a lot of talk (most of it from Enzo Amore) and seen some measure of what these folks can do. But, like Baron Corbin learned to his (guaranteed) dismay on a recent episode of Raw, sometimes the “old” era can kick you back, right in the tender mercies. And you can’t teach that – you just have to learn that, the hard way.
So what can we expect from MITB next Monday on the WWE Network? Let’s zoom in on the major matches set at the time of writing.
Tag defence: The messiest bout, like X-Men: Apocalypse stuck on fast forward, is probably going to be the tag-team title bout with champions The New Day vs Gallows & Anderson vs Enzo & Cass vs the Vaudevillains. Since it’s a Fatal Four-Way, the title could change hands without any member of New Day being pinned! The Dwaynester smells a title change in the offing – now, that’s just not being positive!
Grudge match: With G&A (unfortunately, not short for Gillian & Anderson … well partly, yeah, but not the Anderson I was hoping for) busy, who’s going to have Soccer Mom Hair, er, I mean AJ Styles’ back when he takes on the face of the company, John Cena, in a bitter fight? We all saw how the Phenomenal One sank to a new low with his merciless surprise attack and continued beatdown of Cena to spoil Mr Hustle, Loyalty, Respect’s return to Raw. AJ, if there’s anyone you should be mad at, it should be your … stylist. There, I said it. So prepare to get your attitude phenomenally adjusted by the Original Marine.
Big bout: The Big Dog, aka The Guy, aka World Heavyweight Champion Roman Reigns, clashes with The Architect, Seth Rollins – who maintains that he never lost the title, since it was stripped from him after his knee injury last year. You have to give it to Rollins, the way he tries (and usually succeeds) to stir up a crowd against him; though try as he might, he just couldn’t get people on Reigns’ side. The “polarising champion”, as the announce team describes Reigns, maintains that Rollins can only beat him down by sucker-punching (or sucker-Pedigreeing, or sucker-Curbstomping) him. If Rollins doesn’t run away, this should be an entertaining match, though odds are Reigns’ reign will continue through SummerSlam at least. Now that the Dwaynester has said it, the winner of the next match will probably mess with his prediction.
A brief case for insanity: With Kevin Owens, Cesaro, Chris Jericho, Dean Ambrose, Alberto Del Rio and Sami Zayn in the mix, this ladder match for that coveted “anytime, anywhere” title bout contract should be insane enough. When you consider that WWE initially hyped this as a seven-man match, we could see a surprise entrant that would make it even crazier. But these six guys are well and truly capable of giving us a solid MITB “titular event” for the ages. A Cesaro win would go down well with fans, but for the longer term, having Owens bag that briefcase would give rise to loads of good storytelling opportunities.
Clash of the Titus: US Champ Rusev defends his belt against Titus O’Neil, who certainly has the power and athleticism to brutalise the Bulgarian Brute. It’s Father’s Day and O’Neil will reportedly have his kids at ringside. Let’s hope the family will have reason to celebrate later, but the Dwaynester is all doom and gloom for the moment and is figuring on a Rusev retention (and no, that’s not another term for constipation).
Flair-tastic Four: No Women’s Championship defence this PPV, but Charlotte will still be in action when she teams up with Dana Brooke against Natalya and Becky Lynch. Oh, how delicious it would be for Ric Flair to make an appearance … on the side of his daughter’s opponents!
Breezy mangoes, truly dusted
CAN’T help thinking, either, that WWE’s currently feuding gold-and-glamour teams need some tell-it-like-it-is rebranding. That celebrity-couple-named pairing of Tyler Breeze and Fandango – Breezango? I’d go for “Unfunny Hansel and Zoolander”.
As for their opponents of the hour, Goldust and Ron “The Truth” Killings? From their track record to date, perhaps a more appropriate moniker for Golden Truth would be “Dustron”. Mainly because it sounds like a vacuum cleaner model and, frankly … well, you know.
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