Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice isn’t a BAD film. It’s just an average one that doesn’t make a lot of sense, and is slow as heck considering it’s a movie with two of the most iconic superheroes ever created. And don’t even get us started on the whole Martha thing.
We may not have liked it much, but at least one thing BVS did right was get us excited about all the other upcoming DC Comics movies set in the same universe called the DC Extended Universe (DCEU). Here’s hoping that Suicide Squad, Wonder Woman, Justice League and, er, Aquaman will be much, much better.
Anyway, at the time of writing, BVS has been getting a pounding from film critics, garnering a relatively low 29% rating on film review aggregator Rotten Tomatoes, based on 305 reviews. It’s not the lowest score a DC movie has ever gotten, though. We managed to dig up seven other movies that have an even lower Rotten Tomatoes rating than BVS. Hopefully, none of the DCEU will end up lower than THESE duds.
Oh, and before you say we’re Marvel fans who are biased against DC, we’ll have a worst Marvel movies list up later on. Trust us, that will be even longer than this one. And it has a talking duck.
But for now, here are the seven worst DC superhero movies ever, sorted by worst to, er, worst-est:
Always speak softly and carry a big gun (And magic power ring).
7) Green Lantern, 2011
(Rotten Tomatoes rating: 26%)
To be honest, we expected this to be rated much lower. It’s hard to pinpoint what made it so bad – the cheesy special effects, the incoherent plot, or the fact that Ryan Reynolds just did not seem comfortable in that computer-animated costume of his. Probably the only good thing that came out of this movie was that it gave Reynolds a chance to make Deadpool instead, and all the jokes he cracks at its expense in that movie.
6) Superman III, 1983
(26%)
The first two Superman movies made us believe a man could fly. The next two brought that man crashing to the ground. This one had Richard Pryor as Gus Gorman, a bumbling computer genius who spends most of the movie pandering for cheap laughs, and a villain whose initial goal was to monopolise the world’s coffee market (in case you were wondering, his name was not Starbucks). When the plan is thwarted by Superman, he gets Gus to use his computer skills to create Kryptonite, which turns Superman temporarily bad (this made for some amusing scenes, especially one where Superman straightens the Leaning Tower of Pisa).
Still, while Pryor was an annoying addition to the movie, Christopher Reeve’s presence at least helped save the movie somewhat, which is more than we can say for …
Superman III was a decent movie prior to Richard Pryor coming on set.
5) Superman IV: The Quest For Peace, 1987
(12%)
The fourth and final Chris Reeve Superman movie had the lowest budget, worst special effects, and turned out to be also the worst reviewed, and garnered the lowest box office revenue out of the four.
Think the plot of BVS didn’t make sense? Superman IV featured a plot in which the Man Of Steel decides to rid the entire planet of nuclear weapons by throwing them all into the Sun. However, Lex Luthor comes up with a disgusting-sounding “protoplasm grown from Superman’s hair cells” and attaches it to a rocket which Superman then throws into the Sun, which causes it to grow into, not a blob of Super-hair cells, but a superhuman called Nuclear Man, who then falls in love with Lois Lane and fights Superman for her affections.
The Man Of Steel then defeats Nuclear Man by… pushing the Moon out of the Earth’s orbit and causing an eclipse that drains the supervillain’s powers. Oh well, who needs tides anyway, right?
4) Jonah Hex, 2010
(12%)
Despite a formidable cast comprising Oscar winner Josh Brolin in the leading role, Oscar nominees Michael Fassbender and John Malkovich, and Will Arnett (aka LEGO Batman), this movie based on DC’s iconic cowboy bounty hunter Jonah Hex was a complete mess from the start to the end of its mercifully short 81-minute running time. Maybe there’s just a hex on all movies starring Megan Fox. Fun fact: Michael Shannon, who plays Zod in Man Of Steel and BVS, was also in this movie.
3) Steel, 1997
(12%)
The producers of this movie probably thought casting NBA star Shaquille O’Neal was a slam dunk. Unfortunately, it turned out to be an air ball instead, missing both the point of the character and, well, any point at all.
In the comics, John Henry Irons, aka Steel, is one of four “Supermen” who replaces the Man Of Steel after the Death Of Superman story arc, but the movie completely ignores any connection to the comics, and focuses on an original story and characters instead. That wouldn’t have been so bad if the movie was at least decent, but unfortunately, it wasn’t – O’Neal’s terrible acting and the cliched, formulaic plot and dialogue made sure that this sank faster than lead at the box office.
Amazingly, this still isn’t even in the two worst DC films ever. Take a bow…
How do you make sure your real nipples are aligned with your fake ones, Batman?
2) Batman And Robin, 1997
(11%)
There are many reasons why Joel Schumacher’s film was the one that eventually killed the lucrative Batman franchise (until Christopher Nolan revived it spectacularly). George Clooney was a goofier version of Batman Forever’s Val Kilmer, Chris O’Donnell’s Robin was just silly, Alicia Silverstone was terrible as Batgirl, Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Mr Freeze left most of us cold, and Uma Thurman’s Poison Ivy was all miss and no hiss.
But above all, there is one thing that the movie will always be derided for – two words: Rubber nipples.
1) Catwoman, 2004
(9%)
“Hey, people loved that cat lady from Batman Returns, right? The one with Michelle Pfeiffer?”
“Yeah! Let’s take that character and make a SUPERHERO movie!”
“Who’s the hottest actress now? Oh, Halle Berry! Let’s cast her!”
“Yeah! And we’ll give her a super sexy costume that shows off her cleavage! Comic-book fans love that, right?”
“But we still need her to look like a cat. Oh well, just give her a mask, maybe the Batman crew has a spare one.”
“Ok done. So, who’s going to direct it?”
“Well, I know this guy called Pitof. He’s French, only did one film before, and used to do visual effects. He’ll be perfect!”
“What about a bad guy? Oh, it’s got to be a bad GIRL! Because, we need a catfight, geddit?”
“How ‘bout Sharon Stone? She can do bad. Did you see Basic Instinct?”
“Oh, and she could be using some sort of face cream to make her tough and hard to kill!”
“SOLD! LETS GO MAKE THIS MOVIE!”
We just wanted you to see this.
