Hello there! Welcome to the Deadpool review. Over the next 5,000 (give or take 4,500) words, I will be telling you how cool and awesome this new Deadpool movie is.
But first things first – this is not a kid’s movie. If you thought a movie about a guy in red spandex and a funny mask means it’s OK for kids, well, think again (no, his costume’s a full red spandex bodysuit, but he’s not Spider-Man).
This is also not an X-Men movie. Sure, there are X-Men in it, and yes, mutants are mentioned quite a bit, but a kid-friendly X-Men superhero flick this is not.
Oh, and while we’re talking about Marvel superheroes, well … yup, you guessed it – this is also not a Marvel superhero movie either.
Yes, Deadpool is a Marvel character, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to be playing by Captain America’s goody-goody rules. The guy has two, yes, TWO katanas and a Hello Kitty duffel bag full of guns, for Peter Parker’s sake. What did you think he was going to do with them, make a donation to the Salvation Army?
Heck, it’s even arguable whether this is even a superhero movie in the first place. Do superheroes go around decapitating people or shooting them where the sun don’t shine while talking like Samuel L. Jackson stuck on a plane with snakes? Nope, I didn’t think so (sit down, Blade).
Well, now that we’ve got all that out of the way, here’s the gist of the story. Wade Wilson (Ryan Reynolds) is just a man, hopelessly in love with a woman (Morena Baccarin), but discovers that he has cancer. They then read each other their favourite books, and … oh wait, that’s the plot to The Fault In Our Stars. Sorry.
Anyway, Wade gets cancer, and in desperation, signs up for the Weapon X programme where he meets Wolverine … oh wait, that’s the OTHER Deadpool, the one that got his mouth sewn shut and his butt kicked in X-Men Origins: Wolverine. You don’t need to remember that Deadpool was in that movie. In fact, forget I even mentioned that movie. It was terrible.
Moving on. So, Wade signs up for a rather shady programme that promises to cure his cancer and give him superpowers. Unfortunately, it isn’t all sunny beaches in Tahiti, and after getting tortured in all sorts of terrible ways to “activate his mutant gene”, he winds up horribly disfigured and with the ability to heal himself. Kind of like Wolverine, but with less snikt!-ity action. So begins his quest to get revenge on his tormentors, and get his girl back.
If you’re familiar with Deadpool, you’ll be glad that this movie is as Deadpool-y as it can get. Fourth wall breaking? Check. Foul-mouthed one-liners? Check. Gratuitious violence and gore? Check. X-Men cameos? Check. Green Lantern jokes? Check. Deadpool getting shot right up main street? Check.
Perhaps the only thing the movie lacks is a proper villain to match Deadpool’s craziness. Ed Skrein’s Ajax is just a little too generic for my liking, though Gina Carano’s Angel Dust is no angel, and her dust-up with Colossus is pretty solid.
Oh, speaking of Colossus, the connection with the X-Men universe makes for some cracking in-jokes (speaking of the unrelenting, almost non-stop jokes, most of them land, some crash harder than a S.H.I.E.L.D. helicarrier in a Marvel Cinematic Universe movie, and some you’ll only understand if you’re familiar with the character and Ryan Reynolds’ career).
Another thing I liked about the movie? Negasonic Teenage Warhead. Because who doesn’t love a superhero called Negasonic Teenage Warhead?
If you want to see a superhero movie about a guy in a red spandex bodysuit using his great powers responsibly, go watch a Spider-Man movie. This is a movie about a guy with great powers, but who uses them with great irresponsibility. And that’s just the way we like it.
Director: Some overpaid dude
Cast: A former Green Lantern, a hot chick, a British villain, a CGI character, a sullen teen, a gratuitous cameo